Ever since having a baby, I’ve had new questions and concerns on my mind. For example: How will I teach my kids about money, about persistence, about loyalty, about respect?
My ideas about these subjects were concrete before having kids (at least, I thought they were) but now I realize that so much of what I thought I knew is incomplete. Of course, I still have solid ideas about, say, money—how to handle it, how to invest it—but how do I pass on the more subtle, and arguable more important, concepts about money? How do I teach my children about the philosophy behind our choices regarding money?
For example, how will I help my children understand that while it is okay to want nice things—say, a pair of expensive Nike shoes—it is not okay to believe you are entitled to those nice things? How will I teach them that you have to work hard for the things you want—whether they are material or not? Will I cancel out this lesson if I buy them a pair of Nike shoes instead of going to Payless and buying a pair that is thirty-five dollars cheaper? While I will expect them to earn their own money and pay for some of their own wants eventually, at what age does that start?
When can I treat them to a nice gift and when do I refrain, even if we can afford the gift?
These are certainly never questions I had to ask myself two years ago. When I did think about how to teach kids life lessons, I often just referred to the way my parents did things with my sisters and me. And I still have more respect for their judgment and wisdom than anyone I know, but relying blindly on their choices as parents to be my own rulebook is probably not the best idea. At minimum, I have to understand the reasons behind their choices rather than say, “well, that’s how my parents did it and I turned out just fine.”
Cognitive awareness is an important part of parenting—and hell, an imperative if you want to live a life that goes beyond ordinary.
This morning, our son was throwing temper tantrums like nobody’s business. He was whining as we fed him his breakfast; he screamed when he couldn’t take off his bib; he threw a fit when we got him out of his highchair; and he cried when we put him in his playpen so I could wash dishes. It is hard to know what methods to use to help him understand that it is not okay to scream and throw tantrums just because he doesn’t get his way.
I know he is young (just over a year old) but I believe training needs to start young. Babies are incredibly smart and they understand more than we give them credit for. I supposed this is why they act different with Dad than with Grandma—they learn very quickly who will pick them up right away if they cry, who will give them candy before dinner, and also who will swat their hand if they are touching something they shouldn’t be.
Over the past year, I’ve realized that being a parent is forcing me to examine who I am, what my principles are, and what actions I take on a regular basis. At the beginning of this post I was reflecting on how I want to teach my kids about persistence, money, kindness, and respect. But perhaps I need to ask how I feel about these principles? How do I practice persistence, kindness, and respect? How do I handle money? How do I show loyalty?
I’ve heard it said that if you want to find out if you really know something, teach it to someone else. Having head knowledge about an issue is not the same as finding an effective way to disseminate that knowledge to someone else. I know the sky is blue, but if my son asks me why, I won’t be able to give him a good answer. I suppose this is a good lesson for us all. We need to be able to go beyond just head knowledge when it comes to the important issues in our lives.
Say you are saving some of your paycheck each month. That’s great, but do you have a clear vision for what that money is going to be used for or is your reasoning just, “Well, that is what my one friend suggested I do and she seems good with money.”
So you know that time management is important. But do you know what you want to do with the time you have after work? Do you know what a good schedule would look like for you? Are you fitting in the your top priorities or the ones that are easiest to do—exercising for you health as opposed to crashing on the couch with two hours of television because you are tired?
Maybe sometimes we need to rethink our philosophies in terms of how we would teach them to others and that will allow us to see our priorities and philosophies more clearly.
I still don’t have all the answers for how I am going to teach my kids about my values and priorities and philosophies. But I do believe that examining these questions and delving deeper into why I believe what I do and how I practice what I believe will make that path to teaching them much clearer for me. Too often we live our lives just shooting from the hip—or mindlessly dragged along by the currents of life—and we can do better than that. We will be happier living from a place of knowledgeable practice than mere guessing, from intentionality rather than the path of least resistance.
