It is 1:15am on a Friday morning. I have been up since 6am this morning and I am exhausted. When my daughter finally went to sleep at 11:30pm, I decided that rather than go straight to sleep (which I usually do when she goes down around this time every night) I would fold laundry and start the sleep training program I just purchased this morning.
My daughter is four months old today and she has been very much like my son was last year in that she doesn’t sleep well. Until I had kids, I thought all babies loved to sleep, but boy, was I dead wrong. Now, it might just be that I don’t know what the heck I am doing and I haven’t been reading their signals correctly, but I have struggled hard core to get both my babies to sleep well.
It is funny how we are all willing to shell out money for certain services without much thought. If your car is having issues, you will probably find a mechanic, right? (Unless you happen to know how to get under a hood and make your own assessment.) If your pool pump stopped working, you know you’ll likely have to pay a guy to come out fix it. If you’ve ever owned a pool, you know that you don’t want that pump to stay dead for long or you will run into bigger issues. And if you have ants marching on your kitchen counter in long lines, you can bet most people will be calling a pest guy to ensure those ants don’t take over your kitchen completely.
Somehow, paying for these services don’t make us feel inadequate or stupid.
Yet when it comes to seeking out help for how to parent, I have been resistant. I suppose it stems from this false notion that I should know how to do this already. I should know how to get my baby to fall asleep. I should know how to get them to take good naps. I should know how to work through these frustrating temper tantrums. I should know how to wean my baby when he doesn’t want to be weaned.
And yet, I don’t. I don’t know how to do any of those things intuitively. Or at least I am always second-guessing the choices I make surround these (and other) parenting bumps. But what I have realized—what I try to remind myself every day—is that it is okay to admit that you don’t know everything. In fact, it is an important part in any growth process. If we already think we know everything about a certain issue, we often won’t be open to learning more.
Today I decided that I’ve had enough. I have spent the last four months—and I spent at least six months with my son—trying different things to get my daughter to sleep and nothing I have done works consistently. So I am going to put my trust in someone who has more knowledge and experience and expertise than I do and follow their advice for a change. If that still doesn’t work for my baby, at least I tried something new.
I think that is an important lesson for life. We have to be willing to try new things and we have to be willing to fail in order to move forward. If one thing doesn’t work, try something else. There is no shame in admitting that we need help, especially in areas where we are inexperienced.
My hope is that this program helps my baby (and me) get more sleep in the coming weeks and months. If that happens, I will be back here sooner than later, writing and sharing growth strategies once again.
