Have you ever looked at (or read about) someone else’s life and felt like they are living the life that was meant for you?
I have.
It is certainly easy to be envious of people, especially these days when all you have to do is open any social media app and find someone living “better” than you in about five seconds. This person has a bigger house. That person drives a nicer car. This woman has a smaller waist than you. That woman has a better job than you. This couple takes amazing trips every other month. That couple always looks happy and connected.
While one adage claims that a picture is worth a thousand words, we know that a picture can selectively focus on what the cameraman (or woman) wants us to see and edit out all the imperfections.
Looking at the lives of others on social media, or even those we know personally, and assuming that we know their inner state is a dangerous game. Envy does not have a place in our healthiest state of mind. Obviously, it takes work to push to the other side of envy, but I think it is worth the fight.
On the other hand, sometimes you might run into someone, online or in person, who really does seem to exemplify the life you desire. And I’m not talking about the car or house or dresses or vacations. I am talking about what they do and who they are.
For example, recently I started reading a lot of blog posts by Ryan Holiday. As I delved a little more into his posts and his life story, I began to think about how, in a perfect world, I would be living a life just like his. Well, similar.
From the little I know of him thus far, he started out in marketing but was lucky to obtain a writing mentor at the age of twenty. He knew he wanted to become a writer and his mentor encouraged him to use his spare moments to begin that journey, even though he was in a full-time job that he could have argued left him little time to devote to serious writing. Eventually, Ryan Holiday became a full-time writer and now owns a bookstore in Texas, where he lives with his wife and kids.
He gets to read and write for a living. He gets paid–really, really well by this point, I can only imagine–to do what he loves to do. What I would love to do. How amazing would it be to get paid to do the thing you love to do the most? If I could imagine a perfect life, two of the top things it would include (outside of my relationships) are time to do lots of reading and writing.
A turning point for me came when I realized that while his accomplishments up to this point do make me feel “behind” in the grand scheme of worldly accomplishments (because this guy is two years younger than me and has 12 New York Times bestselling books!), I was also able to take his life as an example of what mine could look like down the road if I put in the work.
So often, we look at others and envy where they are but we rarely ever think about what it took for them to reach their current state. And again, half the time, we envy people who are only giving us a filtered snapshot of a perfect moment in their life. Mostly, we just want the outcome of that moment, not the labor that went into making that life happen. We want the things, not the existence.
So while I think it is dangerous and even toxic for any of us to get caught up in comparing ourselves to others, especially on social media, I think it can be inspirational to look to others as proof of what we can become. But we need to learn to focus more on the process, the journey, than the outcome, because that is where the majority of life is done–in the process, in the trenches.
Ryan Holiday has spent the past fifteen years fully dedicated to becoming a writer and a published author. He has put in thousands of hours toward honing his craft by actually sitting down and writing. By sitting down and reading and studying and researching.
While I am in a different place than when he started, every single one of us has a journey that will look different from the next person. I don’t look at him as someone to despise for having my dream life–I see him as inspiration to know that I can also accomplish great things in my writing life if I buckle down and do the work.
That is what it takes. Do the work. Put in the time. Whether you are young or old, experienced or a novice, to accomplish your goals, you have to dedicate a little time to those goals every day.
And look at those around you as the promise of what can be yours if you put in the work. It doesn’t mean your life will turn out in exactly the same way, but if you work hard, you can achieve great things. There is proof of that all around you. Look for those whose work you admire. Gain inspiration and motivation from them. Don’t get bogged down in seeing the material things, but chase after the goals that will inspire others and help you fulfill your greatest desires and purpose.
